Adventures in Solitude
by Fake Palindromes
Summary: "I guess you do," he says, understanding in his voice. You look away when you realise that a part of you had wanted him to not understand, for him to behave childish and start throwing threats at you, yelling that he will break your legs if you ever try to leave Konoha again.


**Author: **Fake Palindromes  
**Beta:** DarthSunshine  
**Word Count:** ~1000  
**Disclaimer:** Naruto isn't mine. If it were, people who died would've stayed, you know, _dead_.**  
**

The inspiration for this fic is Adventures in Solitude by The New Pornographers, but, again, it's not a songfic (apparently I can only be inspired by songs). It is also the second part of the series of "what if" scenarios for Sasuke.

I don't even like second person most of the time, but the sentences appeared in my mind in second person and refused to sound right in third, so here it is.

* * *

**Adventures in Solitude**

You don't move when you sense the chakra moving towards you. You know who it belongs to and why he's here. They probably thought you ran away and he, of course, was the one who volunteered to look for you. _Predictable._

You hear the crunching of the dry grass that gets louder as he comes closer and quietens when he stops a few meters away. You expect the idiot to say something, maybe yell at you, but for once he stays silent. _Not so predictable._

He continues standing there and you continue looking at the tree you've been staring at for the last few hours. You remember finding Itachi behind it and feeling proud of yourself. It is one of the memories from before that stands out, that shines even from under the cover of darkness which put an abrupt end to your childhood. Even though it was just a clone you've found, Itachi had still praised you and you can clearly recall how much that meant for the little kid you were, who tried too hard to get the acknowledgement he craved for.

You feel Naruto sit beside you and mimic your position by leaning against the trunk. He is still quiet, but you can tell he is thinking intently. Either about what to say, or when to speak, or whether to speak at all, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that you can sense it; see it even when you're not looking. If asked, you'd say that's because he rarely thinks and it's possible to hear the gears grinding when he tries to, but you know that's not the case. You're starting to accept the bond between the two of you; it's not as hard to do as you expected it to be.

So, you're not surprised when he makes up his mind and speaks.

"You know, everyone thinks you're going to run away again. That you want to."

Sometimes you do, so you don't answer when he pauses as if he is waiting for you to say something. You were never really one for deception (unlike Itachi, your mind supplies but you don't let that line of thought continue, not now) and the last person you'll lie to is Naruto now.

You turn your head and see that he is watching you with an expression that makes him seem mature (more than you'd have thought he was and less then he really is). You hold his gaze and both of you stare at the other for a while; his eyes are searching while yours are giving the answers he asks for.

"I guess you do," he says, understanding in his voice. You look away when you realise that a part of you had wanted him to not understand, for him to behave childish and start throwing threats at you, yelling that he will break your legs if you ever try to leave Konoha again. You're not sure why. Maybe because it would've given you a sense of normalcy and made it easier to get used to being here again. You've found that it would be quite hard the moment you returned and couldn't recognise most of the buildings. With every change you notice, however insignificant it is, you are reminded of the times you weren't there and you feel even more out of place. (You still haven't started thinking of Konoha as "home" again. You're not certain if you ever will.)

If you were expecting anything, you'd have expected the whole period of your life from the Valley of the End to your return to Konoha to feel like it wasn't real. Like it was a dream. You'd have expected it to feel distant and blurry. But it seems like your mind has used up its defences and cannot block things to defend your sanity anymore (like it didn't let you remember Itachi's tears). Everything is crystal clear in your memory and you're still stuck in the past as you were before (at least that hasn't changed).

You don't really want to forget though. It is painful to remember, but the thought of forgetting is even more unbearable. You don't want to forget Itachi or everything he did for you and Konoha. You don't want to forget the mistakes you made. You just don't want to be stuck in a never-ending loop where you replay them continuously; you know you can't heal before making peace with everything that haunts you. You need to put out the hatred that still burns inside you. You need to take the blame for some of the things you did and accept that some wasn't your fault. You need to forgive Itachi and learn to live with survivor's guilt.

You know you _are_ getting better at it, you are aware of the progress you made since you swore to destroy Konoha. But the exhaustion you didn't let catch up on you when you were determined to kill Itachi, and then everyone in Konoha, is finally setting in. Sometimes it makes you want to run away and sometimes it makes you want to stay where you are forever.

You should try harder to get better, or maybe you should stop trying so hard. You don't know which would be better and you secretly want someone else to decide for you now. You don't trust yourself to make the right decision after all the wrong turns you took and it would probably lessen the sense of loneliness you carry around constantly. You were alone for a _very_ long time.

"Hey, bastard."

You turn your gaze back at him.

"You're thinking too hard. Stop overdoing everything." He jumps up, full of energy as always, and offers his hand. He seems more like the Naruto you're used to right now, less mature and more child-like with the way he is bouncing on his heels slightly, but you can still see the understanding in his eyes.

"Come on, let's head back."

You wouldn't, normally, and you definitely don't need to, but you take the offered hand and stand up.

"Okay."


End file.
